I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
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Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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