Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
