just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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