okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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