Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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