I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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