in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drake has all the answers
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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