after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
