I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
