He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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