And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
