So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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