i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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