also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
