My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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