well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
