the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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