the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
