Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
