i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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