I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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