Plan B is the new Plan A
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
