Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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