why didn't you poke me back
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
