The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
