my vag is so smooth its legendary
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
