Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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