I wanna passion pit in your ass
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
