I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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