It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
