Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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