dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
