I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
