First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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