Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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