I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
