forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
