TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
