Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
