you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
