Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
