I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
