dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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