Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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