I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I need water and some morals
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm having to shit out rocks
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