Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
