my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
