I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
