We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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