I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
