I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
