Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
