we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
