you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
