apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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