how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
