My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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