Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
