Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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