Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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