i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You've changed since you got that strap on
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
